What's wrong with me? Part 2

Things started to get really weird about a few weeks after I got married. Let me just take a moment and reflect on me getting married. This is my 2nd marriage and I can tell you with 100% certainty that my wedding day was the best day. It was a day where I couldn't contain the sheer joy and love that I felt from every person I saw that day. I was showered with love and it was overwhelming in the best possible way. I hope everyone has an opportunity to feel that way at some point in life. It is a day that I will cherish forever. Everyone was so helpful in our DIY (for almost every aspect) adventure and I will be eternally grateful for this love received. It was a euphoric state that is almost indescribable.

A few weeks later, my nails started breaking. There has been a break or two over the years, especially with the activated Celiac. For those of you who don't know, Celiac is something you are born with, but most often has to be "activated" which is usually due to stress. Some people don't find out they have it until they are much older in life. Anyway, when I say my nails started breaking, I mean to say that they would break daily. They would split down the very center and bleed daily. If I glanced at them wrong, they would break. This was quite unusual. My thoughts at the time was that maybe I was going through peri-menopause. This went on for months. I went to the doctor and was put on depression medicine. I began feeling super embarrassed by my nails. I became very anxious, more so than usual, about everything. I texted friends too much, I had a heightened sense of paranoia of someone I love being upset with me, I started to become reclusive. I started to really not enjoy the things I loved doing or being around the people I loved being around. About a month after being on the depression medicine, I started running into walls and doorframes. I was hitting curbs and doing this so often that I removed myself from driving for my safety and the safety of others. For as long as I can remember, I have always had back pain. It has always hurt to sit on the ground, bend a certain way or bend down. However, it was really radiating in areas where it doesn't normally hurt. I was having pain in my lower abdomen so much so that it was very painful for intercourse. I went to the doctor and they put me on a medicine for a UTI. I quickly became more irritated with sounds than I normally am. I could hear everything at once and it was attacking my senses in a way I didn't know was possible. Thank goodness for the few friends who carried me through this time and suggested I get the ear Loops. I still wear them to this day in public places as they have helped aid my nervous system in a profound way. I began crying all the time. I began to misplace things. I began to not remember the details of almost everything. "Ash, don't you remember this happened in April?" No, I don't. In fact, I don't remember a good majority of the year 2025. I vaguely remember bits and pieces, but I can honestly say that I have an absolute memory starting in maybe mid August. As I write this, it is currently September 16, 2025. That is a lot of my life missed and why? For what possible reason? First, the medications have a significant gene-drug interaction with my body. Unsure what that means? It's okay, I didn't understand the nuances of it either until I got lots of test results back. A gene-drug interaction means that a drug (typically pharmaceuticals) has an interaction with your DNA makeup aka your genes. For me, these are things not listed on the side of the bottle as a "reaction," but rather promotes the deterioration of your body and its functionality. Secondly, a whole slew of other things were happening in my body. I attribute these loss of functions and properly working body systems to the medication, celiac and various other allergens. Eggs and casein? Well, this makes a lot of sense as to why I felt so terrible years ago when I tried the Keto diet. It makes complete sense why my body was deteriorating at such a rapid pace when it was paired with everything else. I would pop an egg or two everyday for protein. Prior to the past two years, eggs have been a great source of protein and very easy on the budget. I'm allergic to them? Casein, the protein found in milk? What about my pretty charcuterie boards with meat and cheese? What about all of things that I love? Now, in addition to gluten and its cross reactors (hello, corn), I have to retrain my body to go through the entire food chain again to determine what I can eat. Because just like gluten, eggs and casein are in everything. Well, F you too, body.

The Turnaround:

"I just don't know" are never words you want to hear from your doctor when you feel like you are dying. Yet, those are the exact words my doctor said to me. "I just don't know. I mean, we can do some testing? I don't know." Friends, advocate for yourself. Advocate, advocate, and when you are done then advocate some more. It is because I said, "I need an MRI, I need a CT Scan, I need to see specialty doctors because something isn't right" that I have the results that I do today. Even now, I am the one saying I need to have a referral for this type of doctor and that type of doctor. I have done the research and I'm so glad that I did. Please advocate for yourself and don't take no for an answer when it comes to your body and your mind. Due to specialty doctors, I have been put on the anti-candida diet. Even then I had to stand up for myself with this specialty doctor. Here is how the conversation went: "Try this out and it will really help your gut health. Once you get settled with it for a month or two then try adding eggs back into your diet." I'm not sure if you are giving a blank stare to the screen right now, but I certainly am. I literally told her I was allergic. That is exactly why you take what is good for you and leave the bad stuff, just like everything else in life. Due to specialty doctors I had two kidney stone removal surgeries which were a huge success in making a dramatic difference in my body. The aftermath of surgery wasn't great and I had to go the ER because I wouldn't stop vomiting, but where there is gratefulness to be gleaned then I certainly try to glean it. Let me tell you, I am incredibly grateful for the kind doctor who did my surgeries and for the care they are continuing to give me. Next appointment is in a few weeks to determine what in my body causes them. I had to pee in a jug for 24 hours for this test and that was...interesting. Due to specialty doctors for functional medicine, I am now on a multitude of vitamins that, again, has greatly helped my state of being. My nails haven't broken in a long time. I am driving again. Thank goodness for that too because a lot of your freedom really gets stripped away when you have to depend on others to do your bidding. I can make meals for my family again. I am starting to be able to play boardgames again. Thankfully, I have a few friends that have been so understanding, delicate, helpful and loving during this endeavor and have been patiently waiting for me to get better.

I can't end this blogpost without the mention of these two things:

1.) My hope is that this reaches someone on their journey. My hope is that through reading about things I have experienced and am experiencing that you can know that you are not alone. You are not alone in your health journey or what your body is doing to you. There are others out there who have gone through the same thing. I don't know about you, but I certainly welcome the comradery. I welcome the community of banding together to get through life and say, "We got this!" Because we do. I got this. You got this.

2.) To bring this back to the start of the post. My family is everything to me. The patience, kindness, and love is what really has gotten me to this point. The people in my house and a few outside of my house are the reason to keep fighting for betterment in every day life. This year is made possible because of them. Today, I am made possible because of them. Their love is immeasurable and I hope I always return the same kind of love.

Let's keep getting better, together.

xoxo,

Ashley